Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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