fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
