3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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