Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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