Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
