I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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