apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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