i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
