I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
