my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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