I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
