I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize