Your face is a jimmy john
He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
