well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
