life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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