Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
