how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
