how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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