Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
