the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
