I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
