Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it hurts more in the daytime
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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