smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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