lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
