I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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