I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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