put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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