He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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