So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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