Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
