Who did Billy Mays play for?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
