If that was your dad, he is hot
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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