i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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