whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
