did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
