wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
