Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
