Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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