lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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