I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
