My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
