I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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