I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
