when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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