Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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