well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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