4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
