He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
