she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
