Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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