May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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