why do cheetos always look like penises
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
