I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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