you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
grandma shit on top of the toilet
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As shirtless as possible
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
