All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
