hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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