I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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