What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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