So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
