guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
