we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
