Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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