all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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