where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
