there's paper in my vomit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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