Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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