Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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