sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
