Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
too bad you live with your parents still
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
