I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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