You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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